Bridge that hope!

Spring is here – almost. There is something extremely winsomely pleasant and beautiful about fresh leaves and little wild flowers on the trees. Little petals of Utopia strengthens your belief, all of it that has been lost in the hopeless arctic winter.

Summer is so promising. Summer is so much more life and energy. Summer is soul and summer is striking. Summer is want and summer is a need too. Summer is hopeful and summer is beautiful. Summer is a vacation and worth the wait too.

Winter feels more like a forever halt and an eternal continuation for the sunshine to arrive. Winter feels depressing and lonely.

But it’s almost coming to an end and spring is the aura of that end. While winter feels so hopeless and seems never ending, spring approaches and the sun shows glimpses every now and then, hope starts to reach you little by little. Spring says its not yet there, but almost. Just about, hang in there, just a little bit and the extremes will be bridged – very soon.

And then life is such. While you’re just at the brink of losing it completely, it sends you one more hint your way, one more whisper to hold on to and you pump up your optimism, hopeful about your aspirations. Spring is such – it sends little hints, it magically adorns the trees with little beautiful lives and makes you believe in life yet again.

I’ve decided I’m going to make peace with my restlessness. I’ve decided I’m going to bridge the extremes. I’ve decided I’m going to wait eagerly for the summer while spring is already here!

Self-War

Times when frustration rules the day and when nothing and no one seems to relate to you, YOU can certainly relate to the still waters - so obviously self-explanatory but yet so lonely. So still it stands will all the light it absorbs, with the countless towers surrounding it and shadowing it, the depth it bears screams to the world that in spite of being so gorgeously outspoken it still ultimately is alone!

It is such an internal struggle with self and with the world where it feels like the entire world is against you including your self – in every sense of the word. And there is really no energy left within to fight your ownself let alone the entire world. Its amazing how at times like these you feel like the most left out person but I realized that no can take your pain completely. And sometimes the person you think you can relate to the most and who you claim best understands you, fails to even sense how you feel. That’s when you feel loneliest. Sympathy is the least of what you’re probably looking for. If anything you’re only looking for a ear, but that’s exactly when you fail to realize what was it that you needed at the moment. It is only the after-event pondering that makes you wonder if that’s what you really needed.

The realization that moving on, such a feeling might arise more often than you’d like and the note to self that certain things in life can only be dealt on your own is very relieving. Cause you now know what to do – suck it up! The fact that you are your only listener strikes and acceptance takes over pleasantly. Ultimately you’re left alone to wage the war against yourself, where you know that the entire world is right in their stride, but the several attempts of the traumatic tourist within you who’s been exploring the different sides in you, one day finds out the difficulties you face in facing yourself. You and only you know those things and only you can feel the struggle of facing it and falling flat on your nose over and over again.

Its not the pain, it’s the frustration you’re not able to momentarily deal with and whoever understands that has been through it already. Someone who doesn’t just yet, will some time in his or her life time.

After all it only feels a little better to know that almost all of us go through such phases. In the end we realize that no amount of explanations to any one or connections with anyone make things better. Its only acceptance with self that makes you climb the curve in life that you need to get through.

And after repeated attempts of retrospection you ultimately reach a conclusion that some things are better left unsaid!