To Friends!

A good dinner and some laughter around, some fine light and some cool breeze, a life which brings some people along who lift your soul, motivate your thoughts, build up your energy and help accrue your penchant to be happy…

People who become a part of your life and stay there to never leave; those sidekicks who love you for just who you are and accept you for what you have become …

Who inspire you in more than one way, help you carry on everyday and move along the journey of life, take each day as it comes just by being who they simply are, only the presence of who matters the most no matter what stage you’re at…

Who laugh when you laugh and cry when you cry, who uplift your mood in the worst times and who just listen without questions…

Who pat your back for your goods and support you in getting better at your bads…

To those strangers who come along your way, sometimes unknowingly and become your only place to go to, who become your home and eventually family away from family…

To friends and a lifetime of them all!!

Cheers!

A multitasking job – Life!

Kudos to the lock, the stock and the barrel!

Kudos to each - for surviving every day with energy, enough to see the next, for living life the way it is!

What a super draining out and obnoxiously challenging this issued-by-the-anonymous job is!

Imagine dealing with your goals and desires, your aspirations and dreams, an entirety of could-be’s and should-be’s, a world full of uncertainties and the unknown, living in the present along with the baggage of the past and the curiosity of the future, the loss of people in your lives, roller coasters of emotions and attachments, empathy and sympathy, the drama of relationships and the mannequin it ends up forming, the trauma of expectations from self and others, the burden of fulfilling needs of people you care for, the idea of making a good life for yourself and your children, for wanting to be the best you can at every microscopic stage of your life, for dealing with friends and family and for juggling between so many different worlds you shift from and into, the want of being a successful person and the wish to write your own destiny, the acceptance of unexpected events that occur and oh ! dealing with the need to love and to be loved – and then of course throw in some grocery shopping, laundry, being neat and clean and presentable, sleeping , cooking, eating, concentrating, working the best you can, talking, breathing, yawning, falling sick etc. !!

What a super exhaustive and multiplicative job this can be!!

And each one of us, do this everyday as a routine. We betray ourselves of the pat we all deserve on our backs, the acknowledgement and the appreciation that we seldom show ourselves and expect more from others – a boss, or a spouse, children or parents.

Lets not wait for anybody else to validate this truth of each of our lives. Lets believe it ourselves and pat our backs on the amazing job of living life just the way we all do!

Lets felicitate our survival today and lets all smile just for who we all are!

Oh Summer – My myth!

How it felt to soak those sun rays deep within your skin, all day for long days!

That season filled with breaking the rules, standing apart, ignoring your head and following your heart.

And the sweat under those flip flops that almost made you slip, the little tinkles on the forehead trickling down beside your ear slowly, one at a time; making you feel soulful about the warmth of Seattle – that imagination of a rightly balanced summer, that wish to lie on a hammock basking in the fever of the bright, the early!

That desirous appearance of the mountains bubbling with the gleaming golden rays of the sun, shining just at the right rims and angles, still aspiring the necklace of majesty.

Oh and the pompous lake Washington broadcasting its blue with the slight tinge of the yellowish golden flash bestowed upon by the flare, that yellow bright star.

Where are ya lost - behind those foggy, shady mystical films?

Where’s the summer when it all started? Where’s the summer when we all partied? Where every day was a Saturday night - where the sand was on my seat and the waves kissed my feet?

The sweet smelling breeze, the salty waft, sun kissed hair – Oh summer, take me there!

Grandeur at its best!

Beautifully sewed by the rays of the sun, this majestic abyss stands as undisturbed, unmoved, and untouched by modernism. Every falling ray of sunshine stiches the constantly deforming canyon every morning and radiates a maze of colors beyond and beneath its slits. The aura of this huge picture sitting so calm and content, immovable and certain of everything in life reflects so much belief and steadiness - belief in one’s own faith and steadiness in the ever changing world.

No matter what changes outside, this grand canyon confines its space so uniquely to not let anyone take anything away from it. It shields the life growing within. The tiny gears growing within it ask so little from life itself. They thrive in the hardest conditions and yet blossom looking the best.

The morning sunrise sets a reminder every day to keep a watch on the magnificence of nature and that of life, the grandness of how much nature throws at you every minute, the reality of bliss and a delusion of an unreachable cosmos. All in this one space – the Grand Canyon!

Every day when the sand sheds off the edges of its wide crevices, it only deepens in a different direction and carves itself with more beauty. It unfolds a different sense of refinement every second.

As the sun seeps down, the setting rays ornament the canyon in the most gentle form and the moonlight with the stars adorn its forehead reflecting a stunning glow which brilliantly celebrates every little part of the Canyon in its own way.

This, 2730 million years ago formed rock solid figure still encompasses the same and more beauty every passing day reminding each of the grandeur of one’s own personage, the magnificence of nature and the spirit of life in its own magical way.

This mythical Canyon that decors its city with its abiding existence and its adamant zest -may it continue to endure the course as it is today, for generations to come so each born new feels blessed to have stepped into a world with so much victory and so much heart !

Stare is constant

Change is the only constant they say. I think stare and change are constants for a person who realizes how liberating staring can be.

Staring gets to you the pause that we all need regularly in our everyday lives. It gets you in a state where you feel frozen until reality strikes, when a wish that the world can stop for a bit flies by your mind. Stare gives you that still, that pause, that high and that constant that nothing else can. It relieves you from the constant struggle of thinking, the fight to battle with doing the right thing and disentangling all those tightly tied up knotted feelings that don’t let you get anywhere or make you feel stagnant and blocked. Stare blocks that block. Stare lets you freeze for a while and pauses your world for a few moments.

I love to stare. I can’t stare for too long, but I love it. I’m addicted to staring. And while I’m still staring the real world strikes and I find myself back on that land full of my own struggles I don’t want to face.

It has meant so many things in different aspects of my life. I’ve got into deep troubles and felt loses even, due to my habit or want to stare. In a class it has meant, “why don’t you leave the class if you’d like to look outside the window anyway”. Who would think, that little mind which really doesn’t have any space anymore has frozen and is in a state of still.

In a relationship, it might mean “What are you thinking about? (Nothing.) How can you think about nothing all the time? You don’t communicate enough with me!” It’s all a matter of perception. Whoever said I’m not perceptive doesn’t really understand that state at all and bears no capacity to ever understand it either. I’m not thinking anything. I’m in a state where I love to be cause I permit myself in those moments to stop thinking, stop analyzing, stop observing and stop caring about what the world thinks of me.

At work I’ve faced humor “Ms. Jangla, now if you’re really done adoring that white board so much, may we hear of your work agenda for the rest of the week please!”

With a set of friends it has meant “Uh oh…we’ve lost her again!! Come back you lost soul”. A very good friend gets curious and asks “I wonder what you’re thinking all that time that you stare. I want to look at what you’re looking at...” I’m not looking at anything really. I’m only at a pause where I wish to be forever sometimes, cause I love to be left alone. I love to just not think and freeze. I love to not hear and not see with my eyes open. I love to not get distracted by anything in life. I love to be or not to be.

I’m not thinking about anything. I Promise.

I’m only taking a break from thinking. And I’m not lying either. I’m only being truthful to myself by taking that break. I’m only excusing myself from doing what I should do all the time – ponder, think, live, do the right thing...I’m only procrastinating a little cause I think I can allow myself to. I’m not lost anywhere!

I’m not thinking all the time – I’m not! I’m playing dead and suspending myself from the constantly changing time and elements, I’m only immobilizing myself for a while cause I love to, I’m only blocking myself from my thoughts. I’m only quitting for a while. I’m only quitting to resume!

My stares are the semi colons of my every day life, where I stop and wait, at most times unknowingly. It’s a switch from struggle to momentary peace. It’s a switch from struggle of dealing with thoughts, struggle of getting things right by being yourself and the struggle of handling life as it comes to that temporary peace that lets you be all by yourself amidst strangers, that’s lets you lay still in that mind of yours and says exactly this “I’m holding onto everything till you come back! Come back soon though, I wont be able to do this for long…”

I stare cause I choose to! I stare to be or not to be for a while! I stare to look at things exactly the way they are! I stare so I can breathe! And I stare so I can be blocked!

Bridge that hope!

Spring is here – almost. There is something extremely winsomely pleasant and beautiful about fresh leaves and little wild flowers on the trees. Little petals of Utopia strengthens your belief, all of it that has been lost in the hopeless arctic winter.

Summer is so promising. Summer is so much more life and energy. Summer is soul and summer is striking. Summer is want and summer is a need too. Summer is hopeful and summer is beautiful. Summer is a vacation and worth the wait too.

Winter feels more like a forever halt and an eternal continuation for the sunshine to arrive. Winter feels depressing and lonely.

But it’s almost coming to an end and spring is the aura of that end. While winter feels so hopeless and seems never ending, spring approaches and the sun shows glimpses every now and then, hope starts to reach you little by little. Spring says its not yet there, but almost. Just about, hang in there, just a little bit and the extremes will be bridged – very soon.

And then life is such. While you’re just at the brink of losing it completely, it sends you one more hint your way, one more whisper to hold on to and you pump up your optimism, hopeful about your aspirations. Spring is such – it sends little hints, it magically adorns the trees with little beautiful lives and makes you believe in life yet again.

I’ve decided I’m going to make peace with my restlessness. I’ve decided I’m going to bridge the extremes. I’ve decided I’m going to wait eagerly for the summer while spring is already here!

Self-War

Times when frustration rules the day and when nothing and no one seems to relate to you, YOU can certainly relate to the still waters - so obviously self-explanatory but yet so lonely. So still it stands will all the light it absorbs, with the countless towers surrounding it and shadowing it, the depth it bears screams to the world that in spite of being so gorgeously outspoken it still ultimately is alone!

It is such an internal struggle with self and with the world where it feels like the entire world is against you including your self – in every sense of the word. And there is really no energy left within to fight your ownself let alone the entire world. Its amazing how at times like these you feel like the most left out person but I realized that no can take your pain completely. And sometimes the person you think you can relate to the most and who you claim best understands you, fails to even sense how you feel. That’s when you feel loneliest. Sympathy is the least of what you’re probably looking for. If anything you’re only looking for a ear, but that’s exactly when you fail to realize what was it that you needed at the moment. It is only the after-event pondering that makes you wonder if that’s what you really needed.

The realization that moving on, such a feeling might arise more often than you’d like and the note to self that certain things in life can only be dealt on your own is very relieving. Cause you now know what to do – suck it up! The fact that you are your only listener strikes and acceptance takes over pleasantly. Ultimately you’re left alone to wage the war against yourself, where you know that the entire world is right in their stride, but the several attempts of the traumatic tourist within you who’s been exploring the different sides in you, one day finds out the difficulties you face in facing yourself. You and only you know those things and only you can feel the struggle of facing it and falling flat on your nose over and over again.

Its not the pain, it’s the frustration you’re not able to momentarily deal with and whoever understands that has been through it already. Someone who doesn’t just yet, will some time in his or her life time.

After all it only feels a little better to know that almost all of us go through such phases. In the end we realize that no amount of explanations to any one or connections with anyone make things better. Its only acceptance with self that makes you climb the curve in life that you need to get through.

And after repeated attempts of retrospection you ultimately reach a conclusion that some things are better left unsaid!